For all you disgusting, sweaty folks like myself, or those that simply enjoy good food, I have some news that will blow your mind (and possibly make you blow in your pants). The McRib is back, baby. The sweet, tangy, aromatic, juicy, beautiful, sexy, and titillating slab of processed meat that makes everyone scream for joy (and probably fright) is now back on the menu. In all reality I could just put many pictures of the sandwich itself on here and call it an article, but by doing that all readers would gain 25 pounds and develop diabetes.
It's all worth it. Enjoy your immediate weight gain.
Let us start by looking at the functioning parts of a McRib. Look at those onions. They literally just look like big smiley faces. Not a coincidence. They are seducing you into a trance like state, daring you to say no to it. They are so good looking that they appear fake, which they probably are in most cases. I would generally call bullshit on McDonald’s for falsely advertising the quality of their produce, but there is always the off chance that they aren’t lying and it’s the effort that counts. And that in itself makes me buy it. And that is also why I am known as a poor decision maker. Continue reading →
When the Occupy Wall Street movement began on September 17th, the level of stupidity residing in New York began to climb exponentially, one lazy hippy at a time. In the past month and a half, the movement has grown to over 20,000 people that are sitting in the midst of New York city getting in the damn way of people that are trying to get to work. I want to share my opinion of the movement. I think it is a bunch of stupid, young, unsuccessful hippies that just simply don’t know how the hell the corporate world and the free market work.
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This post is a little different the the type we usually put on here but I thought I would share this with the few select people that actually follow our posts…to those people, I thank you for your support and enjoy this post.
Earlier today I was stumbling instead doing anything productive (a college student wasting time? No way!). I came across this article about the Dalai Lama’s 18 Rules For Living. I really enjoy the Buddhist thinking about the world and their beliefs so this caught my eye. As I was reading through it, I thought that these were good tips that I would like share with the millions of people that read our site (more like the 59 people that like the site…if we are lucky).
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This is the Dalai Lama, btw.
Sorry for the title, it is a misnomer. There is literally nothing good about the testing system of colleges, it just sounded good. I like to compare testing in college to buying a hooker: You think you make the right choices to protect yourself from all poor outcomes, but you still end up pissing fire afterwards (or just doing poorly). Every day I hear about, and experience, the nightmares that are test scores. When I look into the dark, soulless eyes of my professor as she hands back my test, I know deep down that she is happy. Professors are the Fonzies of the academic world: They just do not give a shit. Just the other day I walked into my house to hear all of my roommates (including myself) bitching about how their test score percentages were lower than the percentage of people in Africa with running water.
He steals your pride and your virginity
Tests that are being given these days register, on a scale of “1-F*** Me Sideways”, at a healthy ranking of “Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ Save Me.” Sorry, but no one can save you, not even Christ in clogs (dance troupe name, anyone?). Sure, when I sit down to take a test, I expect that there will be some questions I do not know. If that was not true, then everyone would get A’s. However, when teacher’s end up grading tests based on a 60% curve, things are getting out of hand. Last time I checked, an average grade was a C, or about 75%, not 60%. That is just an example from the classes that I am taking (business related). When you get into classes such as engineering and calculus, test averages can drop down to 50%, or in Asian parents terms, “Get out of my house.” Continue reading →
The cool, fall weather brings with it an eerie chill, which in turn brings the small children out dressed as witches, ghosts, ladybugs and super heros for Halloween.
However, the spirit of Halloween is also shared by the spirit of promiscuity-innocent characters turned into whores and lady bugs that aren’t so childish anymore. A man’s Christmas; a mother’s worst nightmare: Halloween, where college students exchange shots instead of candy. Instead of “Trick or Treat”, it’s more like “Where’s my drink?”.
For every innocent little girl that is dressed as a Disney Princess, there is sure to be another college princess getting plastered and rubbing her trunk on some guys junk. Furthermore, Halloween is no longer about costume originality for college girls. Not only are most costumes you see on campus slutty, but they’re usually the exact same costumes re-used year after year. Come on girls, get some class! We can only have so many slutty pirates before guys get tired of them….who am I kidding? Guys always enjoy a slutty pirate! but that is besides the point… I’ve put together a collaboration of great costumes and then others that may make you want to make stab your eyes out.
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The World Series is about to start and this year it may actually be interesting. I honestly don’t have a pick for this series considering the overall effectiveness of both offenses and lack of consistency or quality from either starting rotation (sans Chris Carpenter of course). Though I have an overall general hate for the Cardinals and Tony LaRussa, their match up with the Rangers may provide for one of the more entertaining World Series’ in a long while.
the best thing you've ever done is have a hot daughter... (somehow?)
Since 2002 there has not been a single game 7 played in the World Series and only a pair of decisive game 6s (marlins over the yanks in 03, and yanks over the phils in 09). That leaves 3 World Series sweeps and 2 World Series’ where the loser only won a single game. For the most part this does not provide me Continue reading →
If you are a college age kid, then you have probably heard your fair share of pitiful children moaning and bitching about how lame and unoriginal country music is. Whether it is on Myspace (hopefully not though), Facebook, or Twitter, you can always find a person whining about how country music is “all about their dog dying and girlfriend leaving and tractor breaking and drinking beer because of that.” All that we country music lovers hear is “Blah blah blah, I’m an ignorant douche.”
What ignorant children think country singers look like.
I am willing to bet that these self-proclaimed “people with good taste in music” have not listened to a legitimate country artist for more than 3 minutes of their miserable life. If they had listened to let’s say Tim McGraw, Keith Urban, or Eric Church for more than one song, they would realize that, yeah, ok maybe some is about drinking beer and that other fun shit that EVERYBODY DOES ANYWAY, but a majority of songs are about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness. Continue reading →
This can no longer be ignored, as I know many people are probably thinking the same thing as me. Cartoons are turning into animated, acid induced drug trips and, as awesome as that may sound to some of you, I am utterly horrified. As I write this, I am watching Brian Griffin of Family Guy(for those of you who don’t know who that is, leave) undertake a mushroom induced bender of a lifetime. I don’t know how to describe it, but after watching Brian witness Peter being grilled on a spit, rotisserie style, by creatures that look like Danny Devito made love to another Danny Devito, I can express my thoughts only through one phrase: Jesus tap-dancing Christ.
Yes. That scene was this blasphemous.
Once you get over how offensive that picture may be to some (but funny of course), you will understand how I feel about some cartoons now. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy watching someone trip balls as much as the next guy, but there is far too much tripping of balls going on here. Take a look at shows like “Adventure Time” and even Spongebob Squarepants for Christ’s sake. These shows were made by drug users, for drug users (seriously, watch any episode after of Spongebob after reading this and you will see it). Even the cut scenes going into commercials during Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim carry on the drug induced mayhem. I just watched a huge disembodied, green head of what appeared to be Satan or possibly Bob Dylan tell a kid to enter his mouth. As I am laying here in my dark room that looks like it should be in the movie Saw, I know I will have nightmares about these things. Continue reading →
Now that Al Davis has been dead a few days, and hopefully has been put into the ground, I feel safe enough to write this article without fear of repercussion from whatever supernatural forces that were keeping him alive. Over the past 12 years that I’ve followed football I’ve seen Davis’ team be near the pinnacle of excellence (seeing them lose to the Baltimore Ravens in the AFC Championship game in 2001, and to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in Super Bowl 37 in 2003)and be the laughing stock of the league. The Raiders have been unfathomably bad since their last Super Bowl appearance, producing an overall record of 37-91, a winning percentage of merely 28.9%. The blame for this can fall in many places, but much of it has to go back to Davis’ personnel decisions regarding coaching staff and players.
What Voldemort should have looked like.
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Being a college student attending a major university in Minnesota (there’s only one just so you know), I often have to consider the fact that I’m paying a lot of money for my education. Often I wish that I could just get it for a discounted price, or you know just get credits for having a library card. Anyways, it turns out that Groupon.com has joined forces with National Louis University in Chicago and is actually offering discounted classes in introductory graduate level teaching courses, costing students about 40% of what it normally would.
enter code: dirtcheap1 at checkout screen for our free shipping package
Despite this not directly affecting me in any way whatsoever, it thrills me that the internet is essentially allowing people to get discounted college credit online (now if I could only buy credits on Amazon…). Disregarding the fact that I’m neither a grad student nor teaching major I love that accredited classes are now available to get discounted online. I hope Tim Berners-Lee had me in mind.